The Escalator of Doom

Don't let the title fool you... I am NOT exaggerating.  There really is an escalator of doom in Thailand.

*note - there are many long sentences in this post.  I normally don't do that, but they were needed for dramatic effect in my story.  Let this old picture be your reference point, and keep in mind that what you see is just the beginning of the escalator ramp, and it reaches a steeper slope about where I was standing to take this photo.

There's a store here called Big C, it's the Thai version of Walmart.  I mentioned Big C a few posts back in a story about pushing my grocery cart straight through the cashier's line without stopping.  I guess I was overwhelmed or something that day.  I blamed everything at that time on jet-lag.  =D

I went back to Big C this weekend with my friend Cindy.  We split ways to do our shopping and agreed to meet again downstairs at the food court.

d o w n s t a i r s  :) 

I'm not a fan of Walmart, but I guess one good thing about it is that it's all on one level (at least it is in Texas).  The first time I shopped at Big C, I was with P'Oy who showed me how to attach my shopping cart wheels to the little ridges in the escalator ramp, only she did it for me that time.  They have a special escalator just for the carts, and I remember the first time I went down it, I slipped and P'Oy said, "Mmm, yes you have to wear good shoes when you shop here."  

Welp!  Forgot that part!  Also guess I didn't pay close enough attention to how she got the cart's wheels onto the little ridges of the ramp.  

::sigh::  Here we go again - 

I waited at the top of the escalator to watch someone go ahead of me, so that I'd REALLY make sure my buggy got securely onto the ridges.  Two cute, young Thai ladies pushed their cart onto the ramp and just lightly held onto it as they continued their conversation and sailed effortlessly down the escalator.  

Me next. 

This was the only pic online I could find of this scene.  

[Okay picture Buddy the Elf discovering the escalator.  Remember how he stands frozen, legs as far apart as he could get them with a look of fright on his face?]  

Yeah.  ::sigh:: 

I rolled my cart onto the escalator with confidence.  Those Thai ladies made that look easy! I can do this!  No, no, I can't.  [head hangs low as I type]  As soon as I stepped onto the escalator, I realized that my cart's wheels DID NOT in fact land properly on the ridges and I had to use the weight of my entire body to quickly grab my cart with both hands as it started rolling forward, the front of it beginning to angle toward one side, and it is BY A MIRACLE OF GOD that it didn't hit the ladies in front of me.  You know when you're skiing downhill, and for some reason one ski starts to angle toward one side and you're like "what? stay parallel, what's going on?"  or you need to let go of your steering wheel for just a moment but the axle is off and your car starts drifting to one side?  That's how I felt with my shopping cart - slowly [QUICKLY] losing control of my full, heavy shopping cart down an escalator ramp while I'm trying to stay at a standstill because of the Thai ladies about 2 feet in front of me.  

So I'm grabbing my cart with both hands, every muscle in my core and arms are already at work, when my shoes slip.  oh.dang. I need to make sure and mention that this all happens in about 7 seconds.  This is when I begin praying, "Lord, omg pleeeeeeeze don't let me fall pleeeeeeeze don't let me run into those ladies, pleeeeeeze don't let me make a giant scene in this over-crowded grocery store!"  I'm BY MYSELF with a full shopping cart because I got mine AND Nellie's groceries, I already have a death grip on the cart and now I have to let go with one hand so I can hold my body up and keep me AND my cart from rolling down the ramp.   I moved quickly so now I have one death grip on my caddywompus cart with my left arm just about to come out of socket it's stretched so far, and the other hand is grasping the side rail; my legs are spread AS far apart as they'll go (don't forget I'm in modest little Thailand), my feet are at all sorts of weird angles to keep my cutesy sandals from slipping, and my caddywompus full cart is INCHES from the people in front of me.  CAN YOU PICTURE IT???  Y'all, it was HILARIOUS.  ABSOLUTELY hilarious, and of course I was all alone laughing out loud, of course I was.  And you know when you laugh hard, your muscles go loose and you have no more control over them.  This movie kept playing in my mind of a white girl slipping flat on her back while trying to keep a grip on her shopping cart as she falls, but landing underneath the shopping cart, releasing it down an escalator ramp and taking out the two Asian ladies in front of her, sending their full shopping cart to go soaring down the ramp, both carts taking out WHOEVER and WHATEVER poor thing happens to be in the way at the bottom, all three ladies sliding down the ramp behind the carts.  

It could have been DISASTROUS.

Well that would've been the story of my LIFE in all of my international travel.  I can only imagine what the people on the other "down" escalator next to mine were thinking.  

Maybe I just shouldn't shop at Big C anymore.  

But I will not be defeated.  

... I forgot to buy some towels... 

Until next time Big C....    {insert triumphant Indiana Jones theme song}