Lamp-Lit Footsteps

It's already August 8th.  I left Thailand 30 days ago, and I'm aching to write tonight.

Let's take a look back at my last week in SE Asia:

I took an amazing trip into Laos.  Uh-maze-iiiinnngg.
Aside from Northern Thailand and Switzerland, Laos (correctly pronounced "Lao") is probably THE most beautiful place I've ever been on earth.  I traveled with a friend through uncharted territory that literally looked untouched and probably was.   

My car died on the Super Highway. 'nuff said.      

THERE WAS A BAT IN MY BEDROOM.  

I REPEAT.  THERE WAS A BAT IN MY BEDROOM. 

I suuuure did spend rich, fun and funnY hours with my dear community.

When I realized I only had a few precious days left to savor the deliciousness of tropical fruit, I ate un-ripened mango for breakfast every day and ripened mango for dessert every night, resulting in some serious detoxification. 

I met/killed/ran from countless roaches in my living room, AND, [Nellie! I forgot to tell you this!] one upstairs in my shoe.  Nellie and I always felt a little protected from the roaches because they couldn't get upstairs.  

wrong.   

And I cried, [OKAY awkwardly sobbed] all the way from the Chiang Rai security gate where my friends hugged me goodbye, until I connected with my darling friend, Oh, in central Bangkok.  

I cried

All the way there.

ALL.  thewaythere.

My flight departing from Chiang Rai was delayed by about 30 minutes, so I tried shopping to hide my puffy wet face from Thais who I'm sure I was making incredibly uncomfortable.  Haha.  The Thai culture values controlling their emotions and "keeping face," so they'll typically do what they can to hide their 'unpleasant' feelings; which, I believe, is partially the reason Thailand is known as "The Land of 1000 Smiles."  I really did try, but I just couldn't stop crying, as I'm sure everyone around me also really did try not to stare.  Their apparent discomfort at the sight of me did make me giggle a little bit, though.  

The week before I left, Eric Ebeling reminded me of a familiar old song that goes like this: 

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet

And a light unto my path." 

(it's also scriptural, Psalm 119:105)

The song does not go like this: 

"Thy Word is a very bright overhead light which brightens the entire space I'm in so that I can see everything

And I know exactly what all my surroundings are because I can see all of them,  and I already know what it will be like when I get there because this path is clearly lit from all angles and directions." 

(not scriptural, katie'swishes 199:5) 

-->T R U S T. 

Sometimes, we [I] spend hours, days and months trying to decide or figure out what to do.  We [I] really do want to be where the Lord is, where He can best use [me] or where [we] will be happiest and the most peaceful.  And you know what? 

God's going to go beyond us anyway.  Here's what He kept telling me to do:  Count your life as nothing.  

That doesn't mean to diminish my self-esteem and self-worth to zero, and it doesn't mean that I have nothing in this world to offer.  Instead, it means that

it's not about me.  

It's not about ME.  

The decisions I make are not because I think I'm really great and can do this - especially because I KNOW that each change I make comes with a learning curve that's full of challenges, one right after the other.  Instead, "it is no longer I who live... I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."  Galatians 2:20

And so, my decision to return to Texas instead of spending another year in Thailand was just not about what sounded cool or what seemed more adventurous, and it didn't make sense to me.

But i can be used here!  i am so needed!  

Step into what I have for you, kt.  

I may have boarded my flight out of Chiang Rai in tears and heartache, but instead of being spoon-fed my next steps, I had to trust the lamp-lit way in front of me.

When I returned home, someone told me something that connected all of it --- all of my doubts, my confusion, my own logic, my fear vs. hope, my fleshly thinking ---

Surely goodness and mercy will follow Katie all the days of her life, 

And she will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  

Psalm 23

It was perfect.  It was just what I needed.  And it was true.

Why do we [I] worry?  Why do we spend SO MUCH energy on fear of what's around the corner?  

SO ON THAT NOTE, 

Here's an update on the Good Lord's faithfulness.  Here is what I'm doing now: 

I am so thankful that... 

1. My roommate is awweeesoooommmee (< hear it with vibrato) and we live in a "dollhouse" with OLD original hardwood floors and character around every corner.  

2.. I'm learning some much needed and desired admin. skills.  

3. I am developing some special education skills, and I will be learning from experts who I already respect and appreciate.  (I LOVE my new school, ask me about it)

4. I am growing in my knowledge of children's ministry, 

5. and I still sort of have a foot in the door of overseas work through a communications role that I'm in.    

a. Am I still teaching?  Yes. 
b. Am I still a missionary?  Yes.  
c. Am I happy?  Wow, YES.  

...this is a good, daily business for me, remember, practicing gratitude.  

I am BEYOND thankful for my experiences in Thailand and the people I met, and I am truly truly (x2 on purpose) amazed that what I'm doing now is actually comparable to the dream-school I came from in Chiang Rai.  

And now instead of rats and bats, I live with 2 cats.  :o)   




Thank you for following the Thailand Journey with me.  I will continue to blog, and I'll continue to post about Thailand.  My blog name will change, but not yet.  

Stay tuned.  

Stay thankful.  

Photo from my first day in Thailand

Visit www.crics.asia if you haven't already.