Introduction:
Thai culture and fun school-related posts are in the works - been writing just a bit at a time. I wrote this one back in early December. I've come back to it every now and then because it reminds me of who God is. May it do the same for you -
With Love,
~exposed
p.s.: please keep in mind that this was 5 months ago....
Choosing to write over sleep. Without a piano, my laptop keyboard suffices in giving me a therapeutic outlet.
Let's just be real. How many Adele, Sara Bareilles, Norah Jones and A Fine Frenzy songs can a girl listen to in one night?
Mood: Mopey. but trying to be cheery.
Music: Norah Jones Jango station
Drink: Decaf Columbian sent by momma
Most days around 3:30 PM, my brain starts to check out. Teachers don't "clock out," so my brain just mentally "checks out" and becomes this mushy thing that tries to listen some more but really can't. I usually need a piece of chocolate or a glass of [water], or a good song to remind me that I am just a human, a single girl in her late 20's (always wondered what this would be like) who wants to cook without recipes, laugh till she can't breathe, wear high heels even when it's not practical.
At the end of the school day, my mind, ears, voice and feet stop running like an 8-hour storm has just blown through, and all the wild, windy trees of my own expectations settle. Everything physical calms down, and I return to just katie, stepping out of the dress I've been wearing all day that I think magically turns me into "Mary Poppins," turning off my theatrical performance as I step off the stage [out of my classroom]... (teaching elementary school really feels like theater sometimes, and it really can be fun even if I'm exhausted).
kt. stop living under the pressures of this world.
BUT I...!
stop living under the pressures that you put on yourself and come to Me; be freed, lay your burdens down and take Me in, instead, for I am light, and I will give you praise in exchange for your heaviness.
BUT I...!
no seriously, stop.
BUT, BUT...!
But you WERE fearfully and wonderfully made, you were SKILLFULLY wrought in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139
...and your form ~ it is lovely. Song of Solomon 1
I love my new job. I. love it.
I am constantly learning, and I like that. (good thing I work in a school)
I am growing, and I wanted to. I expected to. i hoped to.
I am detoxing.
I was naturally stripped of what I was using to shallowly fill my time when I moved to Thailand.
For some cheese, a quote from Fleetwood Mac is fitting: Can I handle the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
*shakes head at the cheese. yet doesn't delete it...*
This time last year, I was planning a wedding with the man of my dreams.
New dreams happen, it's okay.
My friends are having babies back in the states as I write this post.
I wanted babies later, anyway.
I'm turning 27 in 3 weeks. ... All of the sudden, It is later. (or at least it's getting to be)
::sigh:: dear kt.
You were s k i l l f u l l y made. You are clothed with salvation and covered with robes of righteousness. Isaiah 61. Your days were ordained for you, written in God's book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139. WITH YOUR GOD, you can scale a wall; your arms can bend a bow of bronze, because He is the flawless Lord. Psalm 118. You were worth THE perfect man's death, you are enough, and He delights in you, invites you to come when you thirst, to come to the living waters when you have no money. And not only to come, but to have wine and milk [almond, please] - to enjoy, to rest, to sustain, to grow. Isaiah 55.
While I give thanks to God for the simple [loaded] reminders that I am who He made me to be and need to embrace that, I also give thanks to Amos Lee, for this song:
(is that sacrilegious?? well whatever, at least I'm thankful)
Thai culture and fun school-related posts are in the works - been writing just a bit at a time. I wrote this one back in early December. I've come back to it every now and then because it reminds me of who God is. May it do the same for you -
With Love,
~exposed
p.s.: please keep in mind that this was 5 months ago....
Choosing to write over sleep. Without a piano, my laptop keyboard suffices in giving me a therapeutic outlet.
Let's just be real. How many Adele, Sara Bareilles, Norah Jones and A Fine Frenzy songs can a girl listen to in one night?
Mood: Mopey. but trying to be cheery.
Music: Norah Jones Jango station
Drink: Decaf Columbian sent by momma
Most days around 3:30 PM, my brain starts to check out. Teachers don't "clock out," so my brain just mentally "checks out" and becomes this mushy thing that tries to listen some more but really can't. I usually need a piece of chocolate or a glass of [water], or a good song to remind me that I am just a human, a single girl in her late 20's (always wondered what this would be like) who wants to cook without recipes, laugh till she can't breathe, wear high heels even when it's not practical.
At the end of the school day, my mind, ears, voice and feet stop running like an 8-hour storm has just blown through, and all the wild, windy trees of my own expectations settle. Everything physical calms down, and I return to just katie, stepping out of the dress I've been wearing all day that I think magically turns me into "Mary Poppins," turning off my theatrical performance as I step off the stage [out of my classroom]... (teaching elementary school really feels like theater sometimes, and it really can be fun even if I'm exhausted).
kt. stop living under the pressures of this world.
BUT I...!
stop living under the pressures that you put on yourself and come to Me; be freed, lay your burdens down and take Me in, instead, for I am light, and I will give you praise in exchange for your heaviness.
BUT I...!
no seriously, stop.
BUT, BUT...!
But you WERE fearfully and wonderfully made, you were SKILLFULLY wrought in the depths of the earth. Psalm 139
...and your form ~ it is lovely. Song of Solomon 1
I love my new job. I. love it.
But regardless of what Self thinks, I am not and cannot be super woman, super teacher, super mom, super daughter, super sister, super friend, freakin' MARY POPPINS everyday, every hour, every time I want to be or try to be or think I need to be. Sure, I want to live as fully as possible here, I WANT to give and go and grow and learn, I want to take in every little AND big thing that I can.
... But ya cain't drahve the car 'th no gas in yur tank. Amen?
I am constantly learning, and I like that. (good thing I work in a school)
I am growing, and I wanted to. I expected to. i hoped to.
I am detoxing.
I was naturally stripped of what I was using to shallowly fill my time when I moved to Thailand.
For some cheese, a quote from Fleetwood Mac is fitting: Can I handle the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
*shakes head at the cheese. yet doesn't delete it...*
This time last year, I was planning a wedding with the man of my dreams.
New dreams happen, it's okay.
My friends are having babies back in the states as I write this post.
I wanted babies later, anyway.
I'm turning 27 in 3 weeks. ... All of the sudden, It is later. (or at least it's getting to be)
::sigh:: dear kt.
You were s k i l l f u l l y made. You are clothed with salvation and covered with robes of righteousness. Isaiah 61. Your days were ordained for you, written in God's book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139. WITH YOUR GOD, you can scale a wall; your arms can bend a bow of bronze, because He is the flawless Lord. Psalm 118. You were worth THE perfect man's death, you are enough, and He delights in you, invites you to come when you thirst, to come to the living waters when you have no money. And not only to come, but to have wine and milk [almond, please] - to enjoy, to rest, to sustain, to grow. Isaiah 55.
While I give thanks to God for the simple [loaded] reminders that I am who He made me to be and need to embrace that, I also give thanks to Amos Lee, for this song:
(is that sacrilegious?? well whatever, at least I'm thankful)
May I Remind You
Come here my darling
Come on now
You may not be certain
You may not know how
We're all born strangers
This we can see
We may fear each other
But each other we need
Come on now
You may not be certain
You may not know how
We're all born strangers
This we can see
We may fear each other
But each other we need
So may I remind, love
What is inside you, love
The rest of the song totally doesn't apply, but that first part's sweet.
Time really does make you bolder.
but understanding, too.
And Christ in me, the hope of glory, has provided and made all that is good.
Apart from Christ, I have no good thing.
So to you, mysterious reader - let me remind you, love. what is inside you, love. And let me help you
appreciate
or recognize
or b e l i e v e
that you were created with a good purpose in mind [many good ones], that there is a place whose streams make glad the city of God; where the wells from which you drink hold living water, refreshing-cleansing-fulfilling so that you'll thirst no more, ever again, ever.
like ever. ;) been listening to Taylor Swift on repeat in the car, lately. I have her new cd Red, 2 Christmas cd's, 1 worship cd and the Mamma Mia soundtrack. true story.
draw near to Him; He's real. drink of His cup; it's glorious. meditate on His word; it is flawless.
Tomorrow for my Monday morning breakfast, I think I'll start with oatmeal, and I'll add a *spoonful of sugar* (Truvia, of course), and I'll begin class with a cheery good morning song like I always do,
but this time, I'll remember what is inside me...
Gratefulness
Gladness
Joy
&
Love. ;)
Time really does make you bolder.
but understanding, too.
And Christ in me, the hope of glory, has provided and made all that is good.
Apart from Christ, I have no good thing.
So to you, mysterious reader - let me remind you, love. what is inside you, love. And let me help you
appreciate
or recognize
or b e l i e v e
that you were created with a good purpose in mind [many good ones], that there is a place whose streams make glad the city of God; where the wells from which you drink hold living water, refreshing-cleansing-fulfilling so that you'll thirst no more, ever again, ever.
like ever. ;) been listening to Taylor Swift on repeat in the car, lately. I have her new cd Red, 2 Christmas cd's, 1 worship cd and the Mamma Mia soundtrack. true story.
draw near to Him; He's real. drink of His cup; it's glorious. meditate on His word; it is flawless.
Tomorrow for my Monday morning breakfast, I think I'll start with oatmeal, and I'll add a *spoonful of sugar* (Truvia, of course), and I'll begin class with a cheery good morning song like I always do,
but this time, I'll remember what is inside me...
Gratefulness
Gladness
Joy
&
Love. ;)
2 comments:
Thank you for posting this, Katie!
Totally needed to hear this today. Not just today. Every stinking day. Thanks for writing your heart, even 6 months later. Life has laughed at my plans and my expectations of who I would be and what I would be doing at almost 27. (I think I thought I'd be where you are, single in my late 20s teaching in far places - definitely not married with a mortgage. How funny is that?!) But it's still good and sweet. So glad I'm not the only one learning that. :)
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